Punjabi Baroque

Gautam Bhatia has written a book by that name. It is a hilarious book about Indian homes and the Indian people who architected them.

However, the book is written in the days of "swanky red marutis" and "safari suits". What the book needs is a chapter about the NRI village.

The resident of the NRI village is yours truly, who loves India (except for the traffic and pollution), and it was never a question if she would return or not. Of course, dearest patidev makes staying in India easy with trips to the US on business, so she can replenish her stock of ziploc bags, plastic dabbas, and safety pins from WalMart, and diapers from Costco. The NRI village is starkly different from the rest of India in that roads are called avenues, houses have wooden flooring and sloped roofs, kitchens are modular, and all rooms have air conditioning to protect one from the sweltering heat of Bangalore winters.

The NRI village is by definition anything but a village. It is a theme park. Once you enter, you see buildings reminscent of Manhattan skyscrapers to the Texas ranches, depending on the chosen theme. The fertile Bangalore soil is common to all themes, and thick cover of coconut trees, ferns, bougainvilleas, and water lilies surround the Texan Ranch. There is in addition, a thick cover of secruti to add variety to the vista, and to protect one from illegal Mexican (oops! non-NRI) infiltrators.

The NRI village is also by definition away from the city, and not connected by a proper road. However, since all NRIs own SUVs, the road is not a consideration in planning. Also, instead of depending on hydro-electric power supply from the city, it is better to build generators that run on petrol. After all, the NRIs constitute the people most concerned about pollution (except when it comes to burning fuel to run the AC that protects them from hot Bangalore winters). Since, water supplied by the municipality cannot be trusted, it is better to get Kinley water, 'manufactured' by the familiar Coca Cola company. Hence, water supply is again not a consideration in picking the plot for the village.

In addition, the distance from the city gives the following advantages: higher prices, more social prestige, proximity to international schools, and lesser chances of patidev being involved in house hold decisions.

Yours truly would like to hire Gautam Bhatia to build her a dream NRI village. If you know how he can be contacted, please drop a line in the comments section of this blog.