Who is Confused?

Technically, I am an ABCD. I was born in Buffalo, New York. My parents returned to India for good when I was 2 years old. I do not remember anything about those two years in the US, and was as green as my other college buddies when I came here for grad school. Like them, I could only afford to come with scholarship, and like them, I stared blankly when I was asked what dressing I would like on my salad. There should be nothing confused about me, unlike those other second generation Indians.

In actuality, I am a thoroughly confused first generation immigrant. I speak Hinglish, get tears in my eyes when I hear Desh raag, and don't understand baseball. I do not tell my friends what I earn, eat dinner at 6:30, and prefer food that is not drowned in spices. I enroll my 5 year old for 5 extra classes. I believe free play is more important than structured activities at her age. I think about going back to India. I buy my dream house here in the US. I am thrilled about all the new jobs in India. I am worried about outsourcing, and what it means to my job, and how it affects real estate. I worry about my daughter dating in high school. I believe in gay and lesbian rights.

My dozen years in the US have changed me in more ways than one. I can no longer fully relate with my relatives back home. And yet, I cannot relate with my neighbor who lets his baby cry till she can sleep on her own.

What is amazing is that my neighbor is looking at buying a home in India, while I sweat my mortgage here. May be there will be a generation of American Desis. I wonder if they will be as confused as the Desi American.