Alice's 10 commandments

Here are some commandments I live by (and some I wish to live by :)

1. Treat strangers with caution, not suspicion.
2. A little hardship will strengthen me. A lot or none can kill me.
3. Contribute something tangible to the world.
4. Try to be there for those who will be there for me - my family, my neighbors, my friends, my colleagues.
5. Try to be there for those who need me even if they wont be there for me - the elderly, the sick, the poor.
6. Learn something more than I knew yesterday.
7. Learn to love patidev and the brats for who they are, not who I want them to be.
8. Take good care of myself - body and mind.
9. Count my blessings.
10. I don't need a 10th commandment.
    

One Hundred and Eight!

I have posted all my postings from my other blog. They get inserted by date, so they are all over the place now. Many of them are posted under labels "food" and "parenting".

With that done, this post the 108th post in this blog. Woohoo!

What is your personal brand

While I have been writing this blog for a long time, it is really a diary that I ramble to, and not meant to promote anything, including a "personal brand".

Li'l Brat's Writing

My younger brat just wrote a story this spring break. It goes like this:

"Ones upon a time there was a hole. Evry one new about it. It was the most famous hole. One day the first person came to visit the hole but suddenly splash! Water Sprayed in all directions. The person was who was taken by supries rushed home to tell his friends ...."

I have seen stories with poor character development, but I was struck by the fact that the main character in this story has no name, and yet it has such rich vocabulary, and has elements like "About the Author". It is interesting how people learn - especially spoken and written language.

Greetings, 2011. Goodbye, 2010

What is this decade called? The twenty-teens? The twenty-tens? Or are we into this century enough that we no longer need the twenty prefix? Is it just the teens or the tens?

Brat #1 meets boy next door: A chapter book

Chapter 1: Is it too early?

It is too early to introduce my precious brats to my first love. It is time, however, for brat #1 to get to know my boy next door.

Yes, he helps you make tea, pack suitcases, build boomerangs, count beads, knit, read music, resist buying that lottery ticket, and scores of other things. However, I came to know him better than that. I learnt that behind his helpful and sincere demeanor, lay a complex person full of poetry and beauty, with a Greek god body to match.

Is it too early for a child of but 9 years to be introduced to this complex and beautiful side of him?

Computer Talk

Patidev and I are both multilingual. We know English, Hindi, Tamil, and Sanskrit, and are used to mixing up words from different languages in the same sentence. As computer scientists, we also mix up computer lingo into our conversation. For example, we don't forget things -- instead we have a stack overflow -- implying that we forgot, but only because there was too much for us to remember.

Beauty or Torture - Part 2

War, violence, and destruction, have not been the forte of women. Generally speaking. Until today.

No, I am not being dramatic. Let us look at the facts:

Where is the Feminine CEO?

Various all girls schools are opening up in USA. Parents seek these schools to help their teenage girls learn that they can be good at chess, and football, and just as good as men at stuff that men do.

Indra Nooyi, CEO of Pepsi, legend goes, found that baseball was her glass ceiling in the male dominated board room. She studied, memorized, and mastered sports trivia in her spare time. She may not be a baseball fan, but would talk baseball with authority.

I am tired of stories of women who did things that they did not enjoy to succeed in a man's world. I look for that role model CEO who loves to cook or dance in her spare time. I look for that role model CEO who will display these passions with the same pride that Larry Ellison displays his yacht. I look for the role model CEOs in this article.

Who is your role model?

'Tis the Season ...

Now, how many places does it snow on Christmas in real life? And why does it always snow in the movies, even if you are south of the equator? I am sure people in Australia decorate their trees with crystal snowflake ornaments and then go out and barbecue. Why is snow so essential to Christmas?

We feel that Christmas is taking over other cultures. We try to say "Happy Holidays" and sing Hanukkah songs. There are desi families who give their kids gifts on Diwali. But, there is no escaping Christmas. You can either celebrate Christmas or Christmasize your festival with carols and gifts.

I am not a gift kinda person. However, the brats (and I) love Christmas. Christmas is Hot Chocolate (with Grand Marnier after the brats are asleep). Christmas is soft lighting and handsome people. Christmas is pretty packages with perfect ribbons. Christmas is candy canes and chocolates and gingerbread lattes. Christmas is soft, clean, snow that does not turn into slush. Christmas is large families that don't fight, and don't have dishwashers (so late at night, when everyone is asleep, the hero and heroine do the dishes and kiss).

Question: In real life, when has a mom gone to bed and left her unwed daughter to make out in her kitchen?

Christmas is no longer just the celebration of the birth of Christ. It is no longer religious. It is a celebration of the longing for that unreal, unattainable, world, that is yours just for that moment when you sip your hot chocolate, sigh, and dream.

It is the season to be happy. It is the season to try and fill that void between the real world and that unattainable, perfect world. It is the season to buy. To buy trees - real and plastic, gifts that no one needs, packaging for the gifts that will go into the landfull, glitter for the trees, bigger garages where we can store the glitter, lights for the house, electricity for the lights, ...

I know I should not love Christmas for what it is - but I love it exactly for that! Go figure.

How important are we?

Creationists claim that God created man in all his glory since it makes no sense for man to have just accidentally evolved through mutations and survival of the fittest. Other believers assert that evolution of man is iteself evidence of God. Atheists, like Ayn Rand, glorify man and his infinite capabilities. Our belief long ago that the earth is the center of the universe came from the simple belief that we are too important to not be the center of the universe.

Do other species similarly believe that they are important? Is this the instinct that makes a species reproduce and survive? Is this sense of importance what makes us want to do the best we can in life? Is this the root of our moral values?

F = dp/dt

I don't remember when it was that I first learnt Newton's three laws of motion. It was a long time ago. It was love at first sight with the second law. I spent many a night, wondering why Newton chose to make it the second law. Did it not deserve to the be the first law? Or, maybe, the last, like that unexpected ending in a Saki story?

I then started reading any popular science book I could lay my hands on. I was romancing physics. Many books introduced me to newer concepts from Tao to Big Bang - but there was only one that seemed to illustrate the beauty that first drew me to Physics: Physics For The Inquiring Mind by Eric. M. Rogers.

We all find simplicity beautiful. The clean purposeful lines in a building, the no-nonsense attitude in a person, the concept of recursion in programming, are all beautiful. With every simplification, it feels like I am clearing out a part of my brain, storing what I need in a shelf, and making space for more. It was the simplicity of the law, the ability to explain the whole world in a nugget that was my undoing.

The second law explains that Force or Impulse is the same as the rate of change in momentum. Momentum, is   thus constant if there is no Force. This is inertia. A ball drops to the floors, rolls away, and even stops exactly as described in the second law.

Some day, when my kids grow to be teenagers, I hope they will discover simplicity, and fall in love too.

Then again, my husband was a quizzer. His was in love with trivia and lots of unrelated facts. Maybe they will take after him.

Goody Bag Woes

We are dog tired after hopping from house to house to see golus. At the end we came back home with a zillion goody bags, and threw some of the contents straight into the trash and most of the rest went into a drawer, probably never to be seen again (until the drawer is full?). Some were just food items that spoiled in the car (in spite of keeping them in the boot, so they are not in direct sunlight) - but many of them were just things we would never use. However, there were a couple goody bags worth mentioning:


1. Trail mix, water, and fruit for the car. This got used up the same day, and came in extremely handy.
2. A box of ginger tea that really helped after all the sundal (beans) we ate at every stop.


What do you do with stuff you get in goody bags that you would not have bought yourself? Do you use them anyway? Do you throw them? Do you re-gift them? Do you just keep them in the garage in the hope that you will use them some day?


Do you give goody bags? What do you give when you have a limited budget?

Image is everything, thirst is nothing ...

Sometime, I am just not interested in joining a club, and I am invited over and over. Instead of showing disinterest, I claim I am busy to opt out. Sometimes, I clean the house just a bit before guests arrive. Sometimes, I skip a shower, but change my clothes and do my hair, so it looks like I did.

When I do this, patidev, (who is more used to responding to club invites with "dude! you think I would really join a scrapbook club?") gives me that look with a twinkle in his eye. He then whispers - "image is everything, thirst is nothing". I get all embarrassed and wonder if I am being dishonest or just kind.

I reserve that judgement "image is everything, thirst is nothing" for a select few. People who manipulate situations to their benefit and other's detriment, who scratch your back when they need something in return and don't bother building long term relationships, who rise in their career not by building teams, but by destroying people. However, for the most part, I accept work place politics as a clean sport.

Managing perception is as important for support and success of a team or project as the work that is done. You can build the greatest product - but with lousy advertisement and unattractive packaging, you will sell nothing. You can have a great health care bill - but without public education and support, you will not be able to pass it. You can make the softest, tastiest pancakes, but without the happy face, the kids won't wolf them down.

Someday, I will write a management book. It will not be about truth, and honesty. It will be about perception. It will be about packaging and presentation. Because, my dear, that is just as important as the thing inside the package. That gives you the foot in the door.

Am I a Citizen?

As a former dual citizen, I always struggled with the nationalistic (jingo-istic) sense of citizenship. What does it mean to pledge allegiance to your country? That you would fight a war to protect your country? What if the war is unjust? That you will exercise your right to vote? What if Taliban threatens to chop of any finger with voter-ink on it?

Citizenship, as I understand it now, is not about your country alone. You are a citizen of the neighborhood you live in, the county, province or state you occupy, of the earth with its mighty oceans, and potentially of space. It does not refer to your rights - to vote, or to protest, or to send your kid to school. It does not refer to your duty to protect or fight for what you do not believe in. It is not citizenship in any legal sense. It is about  belonging and participating.

Without us participating in our neighborhood, there is no real neighborhood. Do you get to know your neighbors? Do you care about your streets, about the parks, and the parking, and the crime? Do you do something to improve those?

Without us participating, there is no state or province or county or country. Do you make an effort to know and influence what the law makers are doing? Whether it is public transportation, or health care, or wars, do you feel that you are part of the solution?

Somewhere, we (at least I) have become non-citizens. We are too busy between making more money, driving our kids to soccer lessons, and changing diapers to learn about our surroundings. We are too overwhelmed by the amount of issues out there to fight for any one.

We can't do everything, but we can do something. Take a 1/2 hour every week to do something that makes you a better citizen. Invite your neighbor for tea, or read up the health care bill. It doesn't take a lot.

Fashion Rules

I always thought that dressing up, like cooking, is an art we get to indulge in daily. One gets to be creative every day, and come up with a new combination of ingredients to make something special, to be enjoyed just for that day, and if it is really good, to be repeated sometime later.

That is until I have discovered a new world of fashion blogging. Bloggers photograph themselves everyday and write details about where they bought each piece, sometimes refering back to older pictures of when they used the piece in a different oufit. They spew complex theories about colors, and ruminate about dos and donts. They introduce the likes of me, who think we can dress ourselves up without help, to the world of fashion.

I realized that there are fashion rules. These rules are transient and change with the times.

1990: Wear matching denim jacket and jeans, 2000: Dont wear denim with denim, it is too matchy-matchy, 2010: Wear denim with denim but make sure that the colors are different.

Who makes these rules? Is it the image consultants? Is it the manufacturing industry? Is it the retail industry? Is it the fashion designers? Even the people in the fashion industry are left wondering who this powerful rule-maker is.

Rule-maker, rule-maker, can you make me a rule? Just one?

Anything I wear rules!

My Food Fashion Week

The brats and Patidev have gone to India for summer, and I am here to sell the house, pack, and move to our new house. For the first time in many years, I am rediscovering the perks of cooking for myself. The most joyous part of cooking for oneself is being able to experiment without worrying if it may turn out too over the top. In just a week I have come up with green chutney marinated tofu burger, cucumber guacamole, and mango and dried ginger salsa. Not bad, I tell myself. Then I find myself searching the web to see if anyone else has put the same combinations together, and in the process I have found a whole community of food bloggers. These people take their food very seriously. Many work full time and have kids. Yet, they not only cook complex, exotic dishes, they take the time to take pictures of the food at various stages of preparation! The pictures aren't just pictures, they are closeups that show the mouthwatering colors and textures. Every time my eyes feast on their food, my stomach sings a little hunger song, and I am inspired to go create something that comes close to tasting as good as their food looks.

I will never understand Carrie Bradshaw's fascination with fashion. However, I have felt the same emotions that fashion labels evoke in Carrie Bradshaw and her friends when I get to sample food that tastes, smells and looks heavenly. It is true nirvana. It is the purpose of life.

Debate - a Dying Practice?

Opinion is defined as a subjective thought that a person has formed about a topic or issue. An opinion by definition is not provable. Otherwise, it would be a fact. Since many of our decisions from political to parenting cannot be based on facts and science, opinions or subjective thoughts become extremely important to our lives.

We participate in debates and dinner table discussions to exchange thoughts and form and refine ideas. The expression of one's current opinions is often as important a step as listening in this process. The process of expression forces us to organize our thoughts.

In th modern world, there is a fear of expressing one's opinion too loudly, especially if one may hurt another person's feelings. Yet, by not expressing them, one risks not refining and correcting them.

So, clearly, one does need to express one's most controversial opinions - but, we may want to start with a smaller and closer set of folks who will forgive our follies, and test out our ideas, before discussing them in broader gatherings.

I hope that we continue to value constructive debates, not just between presidential candidates, but between father and daughter, brother and sister, teacher and parent, neighbor and neighbor, and others close to us. Those are the debates where we are not trying to "win", but trying to "understand", and those are the debates that will make this world better.

Chrismas Gifts

I have long been one to berate the gift-giving western culture.

I despise the "diamonds are forever" slogan, that encourages women to never resell their diamonds so more diamonds can be mined and sold; the fashions/fads that make perfectly good clothing from last year not worth wearing this year; and many other marketing gimmicks that make US the consumer society that it is.

However, this year, I not only encouraged my 7 year old to give gifts for Christmas, I have been trying to impress upon her that gift giving is really an important and wonderful tradition.



Why?

Gift giving makes you think about what people you love like. There is a joy not just in receiving a wonderful gift - but (probably a greater?) joy in knowing that you picked something the other person loves. When the gifts are thoughtful, not extravagant, they can be a wonderful way to show your love and appreciation for someone.

However, it is a fine line. Can you give a "perfect" gift to one sibling, and not to another - just because you chanced upon the "perfect" gift? If yes, does it mean you love one more than the other? If not, does it not encourage the culture where we buy dozens of See's candy boxes to hand out to one and all, so as to not make anyone feel left out? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of gift giving?

Personally, I think giving gifts spontaneously, and not necessarily always around Christmas or Birthday or Anniversary gets around this dilemma. You do not feel coerced to buy something/anything in time for the occasion, which drains the joy out of gifts. However, Christmas, Birthday, or a visit, are good occasions to learn the art of choosing gifts.

Hopefully, I can impress upon her the art of spontaneous gift giving later, once she has experienced the joy of giving a gift the receiver will cherish and enjoy.

Conforming to society

Bhaiya-ji once said:

"At college, one learns to walk into a five star hotel in hawai chappals* - with dignity. In grad school one learns what kind of shoes one is supposed to wear in a five star hotel."

It just occured to me that the second part of this education (conformance) has absolutely no value without the completion of the first (non-conformance)!

(* rubber flip flops are called hawaii chappals in India)